A Free Man

I’m doing a pretty poor job of keeping up on this blog. But like a lot of things in recovery, I turn to it when in need. It’s been great to get a few comments – all of which have been very helpful!

Today – Steps 8 & 9 – my nemesis steps. It’s been over a year since I did 4 & 5, my two year birthday will be September 12, but I’m just stuck here looking up at 8 & 9. I pray for willingness, but there’s still a massive amount of fear and pride keeping me from taking action. Arrrgggghhh.

I’m off work today and my goal is to do Step 8 – this should be the easy one of the pair. I’ve got the Big Book and 12 by 12 and am ready to go – I guess this post is just another way of stalling.

I did Step 4 before a long trip back to the States as I was afraid I would drink if I didn’t do it. I don’t have that kind of fear any more, what’s driving me is the Promises. What I’ve been told can happen for me in AA has happened so far. Since I came in to the fellowship, the promises have sounded like what I want. It’s just these two damn steps in the way now! God, grant me the willingness….

I’ve a friend in the fellowship who’s been sober for a long time and seems very solid. On the way back from a 12 step call last week we got to talking about our jobs. My job has been a real sore point in my recovery. My life has gotten so much better in the couple of  years I’ve been sober, but I’m still really dissatisfied with my job. It’s fear of economic insecurity that prevents me from making a change.

Anyway, on the trip back my friend started talking to me about how he changed careers in sobriety using the tenets of the program. He said that the same steps that we used to get sober we can use to find the career of our dreams. He pointed me to a website called Misery is Optional. In a lot of ways its standard by-the-book AA, but there is a section about careers. Here is the opening paragraph:

“None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did.”{p19} This sentence tells us that God’s vision for us includes our AA work, but it also includes more. Certainly, the carrying of the AA message to alcoholics must be our primary purpose, for without sobriety we have nothing else. But we have other vocations. Now that we are trying to live lives that are obedient to spiritual principles, we are free to seek God’s will for us and to participate in His expansive vision for us. Great things can come to pass.”

Now I’ve nbeen told to pray only for knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out. Is this type of stuff pushing that too far? Or is it OK to extend AA in this way? I’d love any feedback as I’m keen to make some changes in this part of my life.